I'm writing this bit on Monday night from our digs, so who knows what's coming in the betting bit.
We start on Sunday morning in Harrogate at AireCon. For the uninitiated, it's a board game convention where people like me go for 4 days to sit and play board games for 12 hours a day and drink various IPAs for about 6 of those hours. Yes I am an unashamed Geek of the highest order. I'd already built a multitude of space stations and generated enough virtual electricity from my strategically placed hydro dams when I embarked on a game I simply couldn't lose as it's based on betting. I finished last. A lovely orange haired lady called Sarah who was there on her own and had seen our flashing "we could do with one more player" light sabre at the end of our table (I kid you not) joined us and wiped the floor with me. I fear that may be a portent for the week.
We set out at 7am in merciful silence as Kevin's radio defaulted to off. I stayed quiet in the hope we could avoid Pap FM all the way to Cheltenham but it was blaring out middle of the road tedium by the Forth Road Bridge (yes, I know it's called Queensferry Crossing now) at 7:30. Kevin agreed that it was tough to find a decent station with his wind up FM radio in the Volvo tank. He kept scanning though. I pointed out there was still an off switch. I was met with indifference. I tried to doze. Nick Berry stopped me. Every loser wins huh? I swear Kevin could find a Justin Bieber track at a Stone Roses gig.
We reached Lancaster after a breakfast stop, subsequent "comfort break" and a supermarket supplies for the week shop.. Kevin pointed out we were doing well. I pointed out that the whole motorway network is a permanent gridlock after Preston. Kevin wasn't having it. I thought I'd better check Google Maps. Sure enough the M6 was shut by Stoke. Of course it was. On the plus side, after 3 hours of Stock Aitken and Waterman, Blur came on Pap FM. Kev asked me if there was an M6 diversion. I told him There's No Other Way. You're welcome.
As we crossed the Ribble Kevin was scanning again and, unbelievably, the strains of Razorlight came through. Radio X. Followed up by Catatonia. I was tempted to turn up the volume. The quality dipped a little thereafter but any port in a Sinitta storm.
The electronic misery signs on the M6 kept telling us of the closure at Stoke which was shortly "upgraded" to a mere 90 minute delay. By the time we reached the stubborn blockage we diverted off for a junction and then diverted right when everyone else was diverting left. 5 minutes later we were back on with almost virgin tarmac in front. There was another way. And, in a moment of perfect serendipity, Happy Hour joyously came through the speakers. Sometimes these things just write themselves.
It's Tuesday now. 6:30 alarm call. On track going on for 5 hours before the first race. As we parked up we were asked for our parking badge. We showed our bookmaker badges as we'd been asked. The parking guy sucked his teeth in that way mechanics do when they look under your bonnet. He couldn't promise me that we wouldn't be clamped. I showed him my email saying we could park there signed by the chief exec at Cheltenham. He told me that it might save my the ludicrous clamping fee at the end of racing but we still might be clamped. He sucked his teeth again.
1) We knew we'd lay Facile Vega and we did and stood it for the max alongside Doctor Bravo down in the nether regions of the betting. Bigger liabilities mean having to stand fewer horses. But, of course, they mean bigger liabilities. The jolly was cruising and we felt that we'd got off to our usual Cheltenham start, but Marine Nationale was really, really cruising and got us off to a solid, if unspectacular, start.
2) We thought there was every chance Jonbon would be the bogey and they just kept coming and coming for it. It was a max and also meant that we didn't stand anything else. Traditional books look away as we had a decent win on an 11/10 favourite.
3) 6 max liabilities dotted here and there throughout the book (Corach Rambler, Monbeg Genius, Nassalam, Into Overdrive, HappyGoLucky and Remastered). This was part one of our hard to take duet as Corach Rambler looked to be boxed in with FastOrSlow going beautifully for what would've been a lovely win for us. Corach rambled through a gap however and stayed on as only it can and, in fairness, won with a ton of heart. Which was a ton of heartache for us. Did us a massive favour last year- not so this. Next time we see Lucinda Russell in the Perth car park we'll have a word... The Cheltenham announcer did her bit for Scottish independence by opting for a different pronunciation every time she announced it- much gnashing of teeth in Glasgow no doubt. At one point she even opted for "Coach Rambler" which is a contradiction in terms if ever there was one.
4) We were asked for £10k on Constitution Hill at 2/5 right at the start of betting. It was generally 1/3 We politely declined and didn't regret it as the betting turned out. The downside was that the feature race attracted a betting turnover more akin to a Kelso Wednesday than the opening day of Cheltenham. Regular readers won't be surprised to learn that we had 6 losers and 1 winner which we won on but any profit was removed, almost to the penny, by the obvious winning forecast. It was a race that the punters in our area treated as "best watched".
5) Top two in the market for a max along with Brandy Love and SheWearsItWell. Honeysuckle and Love Envoi went clear and we had little hope of a return as Love Envoi was battering us in the each way market- still wish it had got up, but it didn't, to leave us with a win and place dog's breakfast. The modest amount of remaining profit from the first two races was gone and with four figure daily expenses to cover we were miles away.
6) Tekao was the obvious max liability and, being relatively short given it was a 21 runner handicap, we only ended up with 2 other losers (Sir Allen for the max and Bad for half). The jolly was never going and Sir Allen was fired early (again, you're ever so welcome) which meant we only needed Bad beaten to score a positive. As it turned out we barely laid Jazzy Matty and a much needed jackpot was landed.
7) The cash just kept pouring in for Gaillard Du Mesnil and we were full up fairly early. It kept coming though. Chemical Energy was also very steadily bet and Mr Coffey rounded out our losers list. Mahler Mission kicked clear and we'd barely laid it. As I mentioned on Twitter it was hard to tell from the head on shot on the big screen how well it was going but we never got the chance to find out as it fell 2 out. Only 2 in it now were two losers for us which gave us a nasty win book closing race and an even worse place book as Coffey ground out 3rd.
All in all we got expenses but no more. We felt that was a decent result in the circumstances but it's an awfully long way to come for, literally, zero reward. We fight on tomorrow, no doubt through the wind and rain, and hope for better things.
75 minutes to get out of the car park. One jumbo portion of sausage and chips and now it's up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire. Much shorter blog around the same time tomorrow. Until then...
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