Full disclosure, Green Day didn't do a song called "Exiled Scouser in Rural Perthshire Idiot" but, if they did, that would be today's title. So you'll have to make do with a bit of poetic licence. As usual.
By the Friday at Cheltenham pretty much everyone is exhausted. Particularly after the doing we all took on Tuesday and half of Wednesday. It's a ring like no other, we're a small business and you're constantly balancing cash demands, hedging requirements, internet going off 2 minutes from the off when you've got a liability 4 times bigger than you're running, etc, etc, etc. Oh, and we couldn't get the connection to the board going on the busiest day of the year either, until Dale rode to our rescue as he always does (thank you!). I do still remember the wife and kids' names but if you asked me to put them in age order I may need to take a minute. And we only have 2 kids.
Essentially I spend half my time asking Steve the following;
Are we back online yet?
Have we got that massive red into liability yet with us being offline?
What's the cash position on the rag with the funny name just in case it defies all logic and wins
Do you want this unfeasibly large liability bet and then want me to run round the ring getting it back so we have enough cash?
Have we got enough cash to lend to XYZ Bookie as they're running short cos they've laid 8 on the spin?
Where's my water?
How long's this one? Tell me it's 3 miles, I need to run to the toilet?
I know we're busy, but I'm 56 years old and I've been rehydrating like a camel.
What do you mean "They're off"?
What's my 2nd kid's name again?
And we're actually pretty chilled unless we get chinned on the line.
And Joe still thinks I can get 3 in 10 for Showaddywaddy. I explained my comprehensive music knowledge was only comprehensive for 80s and 90s indie and the rest of my musical ken was a castle built on sand.
And that's my mitigation for the absolute horlicks that is the next 2 paragraphs.
So we get a front line book asking us if we want £500 on the 7 horse. We do. It's 13/2. He's a lovely, lovely guy as well and I have a quick look to see if we can do him the next price up just in case he's took it at 7/1. Funnily enough most books won't ask you for a price if it's not on your board but we're always happy to do it at what they've laid it at if it's higher than our board price, and if we can do so. But a funny thing happened between the request for 13/2 and the 2 yards to the laptop. £500 morphed into "the 5 horse". Which, of course, was 11/2 (incidentally if it had been 2s or 20s this story doesn't happen/work). We can do 6s so I say "if you've laid it at 6s we can do that if it helps". Because I'm nice like that. Except, of course, it's not the 5 horse at 11/2, it's the 7 horse at 13/2. So our lovely chap says "it's not on your board" (or similar) and I'm still thinking we're offering him 1/2 point more not 1/2 point less and I mutter something like "that's ok, we'll still do it". He, understandably, looks mystified until the penny finally drops with me and we lay him the correct horse. I should've given him 9s for the unintentional grief I put him through but, he's a gentleman, so he takes my fulsome apology with perfect grace. Incidentally and, beautifully poetically, the 5 horse won which makes me eternally gratefully he had laid the 7... And that's before, 10 minutes later, I'm wondering why another book, and another absolute gentleman, is asking for the (if I remember correctly) 13/2 fractions on a 2/1 shot. This time I'm looking at the 2/1 shot rather than the 2 horse at 13/2 or similar. This time Steve digs me out before I can dig myself a greater hole. I'll be amazed if we get another back bet. I'll stick to getting the right beer and meaty sausages. Apologies to both gentlemen involved- you know who you are! I've not been so embarrassed since I called Miss Jones "Mum" in first year infant school when I was 5. Come on, we've all done it... Kevin gonna have a field day with this.
1) Storm Heart and Nurburgring for the max, Kargese for bits and our day gets off to a decent enough start with Majborough who beats one of our bogeys. Near the bottom of the "winners" list but green not red and we moved forward.
2) So Scottish and Pied Piper the max and a few others for various liabilities dotted around the book. We have a lovely win on Absurde who also beats a bogey so the sun was, literally this time, beating down on the righteous. Or, in my case, foolish.
3) We laid 6 of the top 8 in the market - 3 for maxes - and, as you'd expect when they were all beaten, we had a monster with Stellar Story. One of the few times this week we got a winner from the nether regions of the market. Kevin was screaming in The Jukebox Man and, when it was snagged, on the line, looked totally crestfallen. I waited the absolutely perfect comedic moment to let him know the winner was twice as good as The Jukebox, though gave me less licence to make some sort of lyric based gag.
4) Wanted it last year, didn't want it this year. Didn't stand it for loads and the places covered the loss. It won well but we had a smidgeon of hope as Corach Rambler stayed on from the back in a film we'd seen the ending to the previous 2 years. Sadly this was Galopin Des Champs he was up against.
5) Two and a half maxes out of the top 4 in the market and we got full reward again when 5th in, Sine Nomine, held on topped up by the biggest place win of the week as well. "Slop Out Tuesday" was becoming a memory, though not a particularly cherished one.
6) Stood top and bottom of market and didn't get our full reward, this time, on Limerick Lace (which was the original favourite in fairness) and the each way on Marsh Wren was awful. Tiny win. Move on.
7) 3rd in list wins the last. Tiny win, loss in place market and we'd effectively anti climaxed the last 2. Which isn't a verb, just like Premierisation isn't a word. I bet you'd thought I'd forgotten about that huh?
So, a result, overall, we'd have bitten most of your limbs off for at 4pm on Wednesday, but it was a long climb out of that hole and we spent Wednesday and Thursday just repairing the damage of the Tuesday and covering our weekly costs.
I'm not banging on again (for too long at least) as it's all been said before but crowds are dwindling. Largely uncompetitive racing combined with the current pricing structure are major issues and, a simple price freeze for next year, whilst a step in the right direction, is not enough on its own. The single biggest complaint we had, by some margin, was the lack of competitive racing, particularly Tuesday and Wednesday and that, in my opinion, is the absolute priority that needs to be addressed. Even The Guardian noticed...
I'm writing this after Newcastle so I can't leave you with an "Until Then" for that one but I will, hopefully, get that one done tonight after I've reacquainted myself with the wife and kids in whatever age order they happen to be in.
Until then....