Hamilton 12/7/25 - What's My Age Again?

"50+ man with light beard". Might be the happiest moment of the year, including Poniros being a skinner in the Triumph Hurdle. Simon, you see, is the baby of our crew; at least until my lad turns 18 in December and brings his gym physique, good looks and slightly awkward teenage personality to the CairnBet team at the start of next year.

Simon has this gag. "Mind the gap" in reference to his comparative age. He loves it. It's clearly not in the same league as my recurring Punxsutawney Phil gag but he peddles it relentlessly anyway. On Plate Day we were age verification tested (involves someone over 18 but young looking betting with bookmakers to see if we age check them). Simon, being the professional he is, asked for ID and I was delighted to see that we passed our verification test. But not as delighted as I was with the tester's description of Simon; "50+ man with light beard". Simon is in his 30s but will now be forever known as "50+ man with light beard". It's the small wins that often mean the most. And, believe me, this means the most.

Gordon made his CairnBet debut this evening due to the rest of the CairnBet team being in sunnier climes and immediately endeared himself when he misheard a bet and I suggested that he get his ears syringed. The lady placing the bet said she did that for a living and, quick as a flash, Gordon enquired "sorry, love, what was that?". She smiled indulgently before saying "yeah, I've never heard that before" but, regardless, Gordon had demonstrated his CairnBet credentials in the Dad joke department.

1) Business was poor which meant the "50% of what we take" max liability kicked in. We took 400 quid. We lost 200 quid on the jolly. Our main chance was going well before hitting more than one blind alley. Behind plus expenses and the prospect of that sort of take all night already meant we were in for a struggle,

2) Took even less as you do when they open 1/5 and there's only 4 runners. Victaz the bogey, the jolly the winner but this time we turned a small profit. And I do mean small...

3) Business picked up marginally but still in mini max liability territory which, it became apparent very early on, was going to be on Top Juggler. Half max on Monsieur Kodi and the two bogeys went to the line - the smallest crumb of comfort being it was the least worst. A quick back of an envelope calculation left me thinking, on current take, we needed 4 skinners to make a wage. The longest of long shots. Apropos of nothing my mate, and best man at my wedding 20 years ago, has a window cleaner called "Monsieur Corners"- CairnBet level of punnage.

4) Another shortie, another winning favourite as we stood the second and third in for the max to recoup race 3's loss but no more. When you're playing for coppers, though, the 80 quid difference (the wrong way) in place and forecast with Spanish Hustle nicking off Tafsir on the line takes on more significance than it should - morally at least.

5) As the business stayed resolutely around the £500 mark we finally got a half decent result on Sir Paul Ramsey who was smashed up off course but largely steered on course and we had half the badge fee but still not Gordon's wages. Shine On Brendan for the max which drifted nicely to give us a good book in the context of a poor take.

6) Another good result on another modest turnover as Ayr Poet finally got us over the line for Gordon's wages plus a McDonalds Happy Meal for me. Zebra Star and Top Gun Tina the bogeys.

7) But no upgrade on the dining front for me as we, sort of, got done on a rag, and a name, in the last with Me And Bobby McGee rousing the respective Bobbys, Bobs, Roberts and police officers to the stand. The noise was enormous and we lost a fiver in the race overall,

Reality bites tonight as our good run comes to an end with a 32 degree day ending in a lack of wages. A quick turnround for Perth on Sunday and, as every hackneyed footballer's Instagram and Twitter post says after a disappointing result, we go again (sigh)

Until then...