So we don't normally do this fixture but the RBC site (bookmakers' administrator) teased us with the prospect of 750 students on top of the usual crowd. When that figure was nudged up to 900 I picked up the phone to Simon to see if he fancied the 9 hour round trip. To my surprise he jumped at the chance- something about spending his share in the profits in the Man United megastore later this week. I let that slide and we pencilled it in.
We arrived to the slightly bizarre site of what appeared to be the shell of a bouncy castle surrounding a stage with (and forgive my age) "decks" housed inside. I was less than optimistic that the sounds of Madchester circa 1989 would emanate from the rubber dwelling and I was right in my assumption. At least I got something right. I literally didn't recognise a single song all day, though I'm 56 so when I say "song" it may very well have just been the one track on repeat for 4 hours. And, yes, when my Dad said that when I had The Crossing blaring out for hour after endless hour in my teens, I swore I would never utter such words but today, is in fact, that day. Though I did recognise what, I believe, the youth of today call a "sample" of an Abba tune in amongst the drum and bass. When you're in your fifties "sample" normally means something else and usually involves a plastic tube and an envelope addressed to Ninewells. I digress.
Business was far from brisk and we knew early on that we had erred in our expectations of turnover. What did come was in the dribbiest of dribs and drabs and was, invariably, accompanied by something tweed clad. Peaky Blinders has a lot to answer for. We knocked our minimum on a card from a tenner to a fiver and that was still too rich for many a student's blood and our opportunity to lay a quid each way on pre loaded Amex passed us by. At one point Simon accepted 50p each way- at least he had the good grace to look sheepish. I turned into Steve and shook my head mournfully. "They had the right change" Simon opined, though I could tell he was feeling slightly soiled by the whole thing.
As is often the case with these low turnover meetings words like "jackpot", "max" and "lump" must be taken in the context of 40 bets a race at an average size bet size of a Mars Bar (single, not multipack)
1 ) One bet of any size turned Liberatus from winner to loser and did the reverse for The Lost Canvas. The wrong one, from our perspective, got it on the nod and we had a half max loss to start the day. Places nibbled us a few quid back.
2) Another half max loss on another 2nd favourite, this time Kyber Crystal, though it did beat our max Jack of Clubs, a soupcon of comfort but another step backwards and places did us no favours either with Royal Duke making the frame.
3) 2 max losses in the middle, Dr Foster and Midnight Lion. I was disappointed to note that Simon singularly failed to make a Gloucester related gag, or, indeed anything about showers of rain or puddles up to his middle. As turnover continued to be, frankly, dismal I did offer that "I wouldn't come here again" (for this meeting next year) which gave me almost as much gratification as clawing back some of the loss on winning jolly Kingsley Pride in a totally unsullied, untouched book. Nabbed a couple of quid in the forecast market as well- resolved to message Steve on way home.
4) The "Never Happy Stakes" ended in a skinner on Eminy. Skinner being the sum total of 325 quid. "We never get these results when we take 2 grand" I said, though, of course, we do from time to time but I was feeling morose. The Smiths were cued up for the journey home. We were finally ahead though.
5) Wanted Tilsitt in another head bobber that went the wrong way- this time Epidavros who hit a million in running and cost us the max. Sigh...
6) Impressor for the max and we played a score draw with the winner Inanna who beat the score draw Hierarchy who beat the score draw Bay Breeze. It was as boring a book as it sounds.
7) And a max loss to finish on River Ribble. When I lived in Liverpool I always felt that my holiday to Scotland had started when I crossed the Ribble, despite being about a tenth of the way. My feelings were less uplifting here. We wanted the 2nd horse again, SusieSparkle. The only crumb of comfort was being able to shout "TINA SPARKLE" in the worst Aussie accent you ever did here to a crowd that hadn't even been born when Strictly Ballroom was released. It was still funny every, single time. But not to Simon.
Butch Harmon once said "experience is what you get when you don't get what you want". We got experience here. Kelso likely to be next for us though there's an outside chance I may be tempted to Perth on Thursday if the forecast picks up. Until then...
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