Man size Huggies Pull Ups at the ready we set out for Kelso at a typical winter jumps sort of time (early) and today I was missing my son's 2nd round match in the under 16s Scottish Cup to visit the frozen south (from our perspective). In the junior footy, we'd drawn a team who played, and won, all 50 odd games they played last year. Literally every single one. They had disposed of a team in our league in the previous round 23-0, at one point scoring 4 goals in 3 minutes. I still felt we had more chance in the footy than we did of winning at Kelso. Always the optimist.
Slight enhanced liabilities again plugged into place and it was the dream team of me and Steve with Kev on one of his 11 autumn/winter holidays. It was glorious when we set out- it was obviously bloody freezing when we got there and winter coats were donned. End of 2nd line next to our friends the Bert Logan team- if we lost we at least got to see some professionals in action next door. Mike was 3rd on the row so we knew we were ok for pens. Unlike the lads' footy which was unlikely to go to pens...
1) We got the heartbreaker in early on. Stood 2 for the max (Onward Route and Well Educated) and were looking at a solid start, possibly even spectacular, when Onward Route went west and Well Educated hit 50s in running with 1 to jump. Only 3 could win and we were wondering which one won the most for us when Well Educated rallied as only CairnBet beaten bogeys can and cost us the max. Of course it did.
2) Nice CairnBet book here- 3 losers, 3 winners and this time we had two winners going to the line without the hindrance of the equine Usain Bolt winning from a furlong behind. Balkalin, along with the unlaid forecast, wiping out our loss in the first along but no more. Well, 67p more but allow me a little artistic licence.
3) 3 runner race alert. Obviously we stood 2 of them and had a very nice chance on the absolutely smashed up Shantou Express. Our very nice smashed up chance lasted about 100 yards and ended with a very not nice smashed up first fence. Interest in race over in about 10 seconds, we resorted to polishing the turd of losing less on The Vollan than on Haute Estime and skinning the forecast for 30 quid. Most books wouldn't be losing on the outsider of the 3 and the whoops confirmed the fact. This would be the first of our trilogy of losses on races that everyone else would win on, mainly on the machine. We believe in our system but we know there'll be races (and days) like this.
3 1/2) "Kelso or the Arc" at the top of my voice. Man, I was boring myself. Paul was even more bored. I apologised but I kept shouting it anyway. Relentlessly. I helpfully pointed out it was in Paris, occasionally "Paree" and even flirted with "Longchamp" in my very best Allo Allo accent. We still only took 150 quid but we did keep most of it despite the jolly obliging. For completeness we stood Luxembourg, Torquator Tasso, Vadeni, Mishriff and Mostahdaf- 2 of which were 2nd and 3rd. Bullet nicely dodged.
4) This happens sometimes. We don't touch books unless we have to and we were left with the epitome of tediousness with one titchy loser and 3 similarly titchy winners. The titchiest of the winners won. Dull.
5) Another machine lay race which we don't lay on the machine. Mortlach drifted massively with our green on it and always looked 2nd best to Serious Operator, one of our 2 bogeys, which attracted serious money in a price collapse of England Cricket batting lineup proportions. The forecast saved us from even worse damage. The ring was ecstatic (with us being the notable exception)
And then the keyboard went into Cantonese mode with absolutely no relation between what we were pressing and what was appearing on screen. We reset, rebooted and replugged. The only effect seemed to be to switch from Cantonese to Latvian. Metaphorically speaking. It looked like we may not even be able to bet the last two races but we bodged a work round and plodded on determined to lose further.
6) 3 runners again, this time one loser, Exit to Where. The race was over 1/2 mile out and our winning favourite (Raddle and Hum) was pegged back by our losing forecast.
7) 13 runners in the last. Our cup doth runneth over and, in celebration, we stood 5 of them and, again, got lucky with 2 of our bogeys finishing 2nd and 3rd and the jolly, Rickety Gate giving us a reasonable win.
We had a small win, henceforth known as a "winter jumps" win. More importantly, in the footy, we held the Dundee League's version of the Harlem Globetrotters to only 2 goals in the first hour before exhaustion kicked in and we shipped a few more late on. Moral victory in Dundee, small victory at Kelso and felt like we got away with it a bit really. Or, as it shall be henceforth be known, a "Matt Goss". Weeks til I work again so life will be blog free for a while. You lucky people...
All the best.
Beats me why you do it! Seriously, you have an amusing way of explaining your days work ,that, mixed with your honesty is refreshing “a day in the life” the keyboard meltdown had me smiling😊. Please keep them coming i for one appreciate the frankness and humour 👍👍