Kelso 25/3/23 - 7 Chinese Pancakes (swallowing the ocean)

After the roller coaster of Cheltenham with it's big ups, big downs, monstrous swings and gargantuan roundabouts we were back to Kelso with our usual patented Kelso stabilisers, reinforced helmet, padded knee protectors and extra thick elbow pads. Or our low end, Kelso liability, if you prefer.

For our first meeting it since going back to 2 of us it was a lonely trip on my own with only my playlist (Andy's Favourites) to keep me company. It was like Amazon Music knew my predicament and fired up Chelsea Dagger and Debaser to get the blood pumping but by Perth it was the melancholy of Verdi Cries and My Skin to remind me of my solitude.

Sharon, or as she is now known to CairnBet, Mrs Tam, stepped into the breach today to bring some, frankly, much needed glamour to the pitch. Plus professionalism. And industrial strength bulldog clips. They really are a revelation (we can, again, fold five £20s into a ton and not be concerned about slippage). I told her she was already better than Steve.

I also met Fraser (or possibly Frazer) for the first time who I've had many a Twitter exchange but no actual old fashioned real life conversation. And what a nice chap too.

1) Standard bookmaker's book with the top 2 in the market (Prairie Wolf and the very popular Coral Blue) plus Euchan Falls as a taker. We got off to a less exciting start than you might've expected with 14/1 shot Les's Legacy holding off Prairie Wolf. A move forward but not the jackpot you might expect. Our board doesn't do apostrophes so we assumed the owner had been to a disappointing will reading but we now realise he probably had an uncle, or an aunty, called Les.

2) Original jolly Inis Oirr and, in the least surprising news of the day, Flower Of Scotland were the bogies and a reasonable win was eked out on new favourite Jet Legs who was lukewarm on course despite being popular off. We stood some decent place liabilities to further cash in as they were all unplaced.

3) Our friend Allan came in with a bet for 2nd favourite Autumn Return- I told him he had the winner. The shock made him check his ticket and he realised that he actually wanted warm favourite Bonntay so I changed it and told him he didn't have the winner any more. Turned out he did have the winner after all and I had the loser. And so did the book. Big chunk of first two races profit gone.

4) 3 different favourites at various times in the betting and we stood two of them (Doyen Breed and Forward Plan) whilst Half Shot was a taker. Fortunately for us Elvis was in the building, or at least his mail was, and we had a lovely win, only tempered by virtually the worst place result we could've had.

5) A decent early bet on Ballygeary, which then drifted in a fashion that only 3 legged horses can to nearly double in price. It was, of course, our worst result. I noted to next door that drifters win at Kelso with monotonous regularity and it was no surprise to see that pattern continue. Rancid place market for us as well with outsider Monteplex finishing 2nd.We'd rather it would've won.

6) Lucinda Russell's Bollingerandkrug as popular as ever and, after holding steady around evens or 10/11 it shortened and went off 4/5. Strange old race; it went into a handy lead amongst much "soft lead" mutterings from assorted bookmakers peering at the portable 1970s telly in the corner of the office behind the rails. Sao then decided to pester, Bolinger dropped back then hit the lead heading to the last, wandered a bit, still looked the winner but was overtaken by the fast finishing Duty Calls to give us a cracking win. Nice each way nudge forward as well. Enough for a fish supper from the forecast as well.

7) Go West young man. And many did as it was the most popular on track by miles with Coniston George also a poor result for us. Some eejit laid a reasonable bet at 13/1 as a "manual" price for a guy we know (which isn't even a price- we don't have it in our price ladder and it's never on our board!) the winner which went off 17/2. Yes, I am that eejit. It was still a very nice winner for us though and we stood plenty in the place which we virtually skinned which added another lovely boost to the coffers.

All in all a very good day for us and it was great to meet another blog reader in the flesh which confirmed that at least not all of our followers are Soviet bots.

My infinitely better half promised crispy duck pancakes on my return and, sure enough, there were 7 of them when I got home. Delicious after an enforced 12 hour fast. And a nice excuse to crowbar in another ridiculously obscure album track in the title. My mate Craig might be the only one who gets it. Or possibly Harold might recognise the voice.

A couple of weeks off for us now until a Good Friday/Easter Saturday Newcastle/Musselburgh double header. Until then...