Kelso 4/12/22 - Baby, It's Cold Outside.

Firstly, apologies for the lack of blog from Fighting Fifth. Crazy busy at home and I've been battling with a chest infection. And, let's be honest, nobody wants to read that we'd had our best day since Ascot anyway? Even I don't and I was on the right end of it!

On to today. Huggies Pull Ups taped up, liabilities slashed as befits a course where our hedging is still in 5 figure profit (reminder - this is not a good thing), alarm set for 6:00am, thermal socks rooted out, base layers dug out and, most importantly, Rudolph was to make an appearance on the Christmas jumper/CairnBet joint.

There was a distinct lack of bookmakers- perhaps because many do not have the circadian rhythms of the common blackbird- as we arrived at a ridiculously early 9:20am. I had a 6am alarm but was awake at 4:00, knowing I wasn't going to get back to sleep. Having switched on the icicle lights and flashing snowflake just to annoy the neighbours I stumbled into the car at 7am, relieved that it was Kev's turn to drive, from Halbeath at least, as, due to his unfeasible amount of holidays, he owed me a lift or two. I was dozing by the bypass and dribbling by Dalkeith. At least it meant I didn't have to listen to the horrific middle of the road pap being spewed out by Kev's Radio Forth fetish.

Set up by 9:50 and optimistically looking for punters 10 minutes before the doors opened, we barely took a bet until 11:15 anyway- why would we? Me and Ingrid (next door with our mate George) decided to break out the festive singing to stave off the cold and entice the punters- neither enterprise terribly successful in truth. We started with Winter Wonderland. Ingrid was searching out mistletoe- I suspected hers would be more well used than mine. I threatened to get out Rudolph- it wasn't a euphemism.

1) Dunnet Head had dug us out of a hole at Ayr in the bumper a few weeks ago but we didn't want it today. Even if it's the most northerly point in the mainland. George told me that every day was a schoolday- I told him we were just full of it. Didn't want Lucinda's Jem In Em either- we would Lose Ourself if it did- you're welcome. Getabeau rounded out the losers and we got off to a cracking start with Carcaci Castle who did the Hokey Cokey from 9/2 to 9/1 and all the way back in again to 5/1 (we were 11/2 though- we're all heart) and managed to hold off the fast finishing Jem. We never get a jackpot start at Kelso but we did here. Shakin Stevens- Merry Christmas Everyone was on the Andy/Ingrid manual juke box.

2) Got stuck into Cedar Hill (well, Kelso version of stuck in) but didn't cash in when 3rd fav Dreams of Home prevailed to give us nowt, winning from Return Ticket, which would've given us a lot more than nowt, but my aunty hasn't got wheels so she isn't a bike. Places were kind though and gave us a nudge forward. George broke into Jingle Bell Rock. I forgot the words.

3) We assumed it would be Lucinda's jolly that was the bogey but that turned out to be a 0-0 draw and our losers were If Not For Dylan and Just Don't Know. Man, we cried this one in- Just Don't Know hit something crazy short as it overtook our jackpot Hold The Note which had led most of the way. They only get back up if they're bogeys, we moaned, in the desperate hope that it would get back up. In a moment of utter bewilderment on the CairnBet joint, Hold The Note did, indeed, get back up in unlikely fashion and we'd had a monster. The Christmas Song got an outing in rather more hearty fashion than we expected. Though I won't find it hard to sleep tonight.

4) Everybody loves a National. Everyone has a National. Kelso's version tends to mirror the Cheltenham garbage race where they run round for 10 minutes and the favourite wins. Which, of course, it did- by about 1/2 mile. And it was called "Flower Of Scotland". Of course it was. Big backward step and I threatened to get Rudolph out again (still not a euphemism). Sleigh Ride was duetted in less than enthusiastic fashion. As an aside, Kev was flapping about his broken keyboard which wasn't spewing out bets- mainly cos he was trying to lay stuff a furlong into the race. We laid in running to a few punters on the main keyboard cos we're lovely guys.

5) Only 1 horse in the race from a betting perspective, Grand Voyage, which was our bogey for the (Kelso) max. It was never in it and we were assured of a tidy win regardless of the 2 horses going to the line. Ned Tanner edging out Git Maker. One happy punter told me he only backed the winner cos his Grandad was named after it. I told him it was a good job his Grandad wasn't named after the 2nd horse. Fortunately he didn't take offence. We ventured into Muppet's Christmas Carol territory for the post race sing a long- it wasn't successful- we didn't care. We got Rudolph out again (not a euphemism)

6) Race 6 and I swore it was about 5 o'clock- turned out we started betting on this one barely after half one. Patented CairnBet book with more losers (Aubis Walk, Apple Away and High On The Hill) than winners (the other two) but our luck held as our smaller winner, Anti Bridgie, nicked off our biggest loser, Aubis Walk, to move us forward. Santa Claus was coming to town and, boy, did we let the good people of Kelso know via the medium of song.

7) 4 losers here- fav Faithful Flyer plus CairnBet liability bingo throwing up Ginger Pointe, Socks Off and Bushmill Boy and we got our reward again as Heritier De Sivola was the best of a nice bunch of winners for us. Places were super kind as well and we were just checking we were actually at Kelso. Joy To The World and me and Ingrid let rip in tuneless fashion but with gusto.

8) Having done us a favour with a procession of losing fancies, Lucinda was bound to break our hearts with a losing (for us) rag, Traprain Law, but we stood a ton of place liabilities at the bottom of the market and had a modest win after all calculations were made. Kev had further keyboard issues pointedly telling me that it had stopped working and he desperately needed a tenner on 6 and that he'd tried it 3 times. 6 was a non runner. I Believe In Father Christmas.

So, how do you pick the bones out of that? Most un-Kelso like, we had a cracking winning day but, of course, we then realised we'd have won a fair stack more with "normal" liabilities. Conveniently ignoring the modest wins we'd been having on traditionally "losing" days. I'm still happy with what we do there. Days like this are the exception, not the rule.

That's us until after Christmas now. Dave wondered why we weren't going to Newcastle the Saturday before Christmas. 4am alarm call for 800 punters on my birthday weekend. I'm thinking "no".

And finally. What's the best thing about Switzerland? Dunno? No, me neither but the flag is a big plus. That one's on me. For free. Have a great Christmas- go and win loads of cash off our colleagues whilst we have a hiatus.

Kelso on 29th next for us. Until then...