Musselburgh 29/8/23 - Monkey's Gone To Heaven

I'll say it now. We shouldn't have gone. Seduced by the possibility of a 1500 crowd, a lovely evening in the sun and the crushing disappointment of Saturday's Cartmel Jimmy Moffatt fest we decided to give it a go. Bryson manfully stepped into the breach as the face of CairnBet and I was huddled over the book- at least we got some professionalism on the front, if not the back.

The first sign that things were, perhaps, not as rosy as hoped was when I got into the (slightly) nearer car park to the track. "You're fine in there pal, we're not expecting many tonight". As we got in one of our colleagues was tying his joint down "windy innit?" and it was. No thousands of punters basking in the glorious sunshine then. At least there were no Moffatt runners to lose on.

We sidled down and pitched up at the bottom of the stairs which emptied out of the bar at the back of the stand and were also the last man out so first dibs on the picnickers who were erecting windbreaks and digging out duffle coats. I was resigned to an evening of relative inactivity- Bryson put on a brave face and Steve texted to say that it might pick up after they got out of work. At the risk of a spoiler- it didn't.

So, again, please read this through the lens of a take of around 400 quid a race when contextualising a "decent win" or a "max loss". And now I've used the word "contextualising" I just know it'll probably pop up on the next BHA press release. "Contextualising Premierisation - A Blue Sky Thinking, Glass Ceiling Smashing SWOT Analysis Going Forward" or something suitably management speaky.

1) Heart sank further as the first race was a 4 runner 1/3 shot which shortened job. At least it was the first race. We took 140 quid on race and forecast. We had 3 losers out of 4 (obviously) and won 70 quid. My infinitely better half texted me after my earlier message of despair to ask how it was going. I told here we won half of what we took on the first. I then contextualised it...

2) As you may be aware we run a kind of "half of what we take" liability and the 2nd race we took 300 quid. Pulses not racing. 3 losers, the jolly Loubiere, the smashed up Likleman and, for you Disney princess watchers, Bellestar. We got the 2nd best winner in the book, Seahorse Syd who got up in a tight one. I had a quid at 400s in the photo on the second horse, purely for banter purposes. Fiver in the forecast.

3) 4 losers out of 10. The winner, Sixcor, was merely a tiny winner though and places even took that away for a straight across 0-0 draw though a 20 quid super forecast skinner inched us forward like a salt laden slug. Enduring image...

4) Four losers at positions 2-5 in the betting. We got first and second though with jolly Asgards Captain beating our other winner Na Scoitear for a nice win (see "nice win" definition above though) and yet another tenner in the forecast.

5) 4 of the top 5 in as losers again. It was like The Matrix on the CairnBet joint though as we dodged every single one of those bullets to win tidily on RWeNearlyThereDad, a little top up in the places and, you guessed it, another tenner in the forecast. I told Bryson he might even get paid...

6) And in the lucky last we were lucky again as we, mainly, swerved the winner Sutue Alshams having stood the jolly Blue Antares. We really wanted the 2nd, Trailblazer, here though and it looked like we'd get it a furlong out. But we didn't. And I didn't even lay a forecast here either.

I don't usually do figures but here is the reality of a quiet midweek, 6 race, as an course bookmaker;

- Total cash bets £2750

- Expenses £250 (plus petrol)

- Gross Profit £820

- Net Profit £570 (between me and Steve)

- "Green up" figure (value of books) £290

We shouldn't have gone- the classic case of wrong workings out, right result. It might not get me a GCSE pass but it did get me a modest wage.

We are giving the 2nd day of Musselburgh a miss- I can't get a worker, there's no bookmaker car park and, with the racecourse being in Musselburgh and the parking being somewhere nearer Leith, the prospect of slogging back to the car (2 runs needed with the gear) and then battling the Edinburgh peak hour traffic to hold another £3000 with a likely book value of little more than my costs is too much for an aging bookmaker to bear.

We end with some good news. The next meeting is at least a couple of weeks away so a welcome break from my interminable ramblings and, in this case, classic Pixies song references. Rock me Joe. Until then...