Musselburgh 30/9/26 - How Much Did You Want To Spend In Total?

First thing - thank you so much to everyone who has supported Holly for her India trip, both via the Go Fund Me page and also to the guys who very kindly gave me cash at Musselburgh. Very much appreciated and you will get another thank you in the form of Traybake at the Fighting Fifth!

Student Day. Look, I like them. I know I say this every time and I know I'm still in the minority but they are all really, lovely. The cast of extras from Peaky Blinders, granted, but lovely nonetheless. And, despite the negativity in certain areas, some do come back in later years. Giving the aging demographic of the average racecourse crowd any initiatives to reset the balance should be appluaded.

You do need a supply of the following though;

• Change

• Fast wifi for card machine

• Till rolls

• Unlimited patience

• A Masters degree in Stewarding

A typical exchange;

"£5 on Walsingham"

"What number is that please mate?!

"Oh sorry, number 3" "So £5 on number 3"

"Yes"

Print ticket....

"Each way"

"So £5 each way on number 3"

"Yes"

Void ticket... Print new ticket... "On a card please" "Ok mate, that's a tenner on the card"

"Oh, sorry, I just want a fiver"

"So £2.50 each way for a fiver on 3 then"

"Yes"

Void ticket... Print new ticket...

"Just tap your card there mate.... oh, it's declined"

"Oh yeah, sorry, wrong card. Hold on a minute"

Changes to new card on phone. Can't unlock phone for new card.

"Oh, it doesn't work with sunglasses on"

Takes sunglasses off. Taps card. Still declines.

"Oh, sorry, I need to do a transfer"

Does transfer, taps card again. Success.

"Oh and a fiver on Montezuma"...

Go back to top of above flow chart.

So, very quickly, before you punch in a bet, you learn to say "How much did you want to spend in total mate?"...

But, despite all that, I still love them.

Matthew continues to be an asset, despite his absence today, by sending groups of his university mates to bet with us. It was nice to see Holly (and the self named "Holly's friend" who's actual name remains shrouded in secrecy), Fergie and Erin amongst others today, whilst the other Edinburgh Uni crew (under strict orders from a different Matthew) slid up and used the password "Clay" like some sort of covert MI5 operative in deepest enemy territory. They were all rewarded with the next price up rather than a poisoned tipped umbrella. Holly and her un-named friend even scored an each way free bet when, as fatigue overtook me, I rather messed up their stake. It came in 2nd. We're nice like that.

Going to try a new thing today. The "gag-ometer". As a point of principle we punned like we never punned before. Not to get a laugh (we never do) but for our thesis on "How Many Under 25s Understand Old Man's Culture". Results race by race.

1) Sable Noir the loser. Drifted from 4s to 9s. Won on the bridle. Solid losing start. Every winner "that's put me in a black mood". Every bet on Sod Hall Lane "you'll win sod all on that mate". I'm giving myself 7/10 for understanding. We were losing.

2) Slim pickings in the comedy stakes here and we had to make do with "that'll need a scope" on Kaleido which was one of 2 losers along with The Stone Power. Small win on original favourite Walsingham but we wanted the much bigger win an actual favourite Nostrum who was denied in a close one. Hoovered up the place money as well. Gagometer 5/10

3) "That'll get you out of jail if that wins" on rank outsider Escape Act- even got a laugh for that one- and "That's gone home" on Keep Me Stable. Barely anyone knew how to pronounce Filey but they bet Filey Beach anyway (actual pronunciation is "Number 1"). Monhammer and Concert Boy the other losers and Monhammer set us back again despite a place market rally. Gagometer 8/10 (Escape Act) and 2/10 (Keep Me Stable). We were 1/10 for winning

4) "That's quick out of the gate" on Brandenburg may be as good as it got all day gag wise. Outsider Beauty for Love may have been as depressing as it got result wise as we only eked out a small win on it as we got done in the funny name stakes. Gagometer 6/10 - mainly history students.

5) "That one's fast down the wing" on Mo of Cairo and "That's out for revenge" on Montezuma. Very few footy fans and even fewer dodgy belly after a late night curry fans and we didn't hit home. We did, however, almost skin the winner Lipsink and we finally got ahead of the expenses. Gagometer 1/10

6) A brief hiatus here on the gag front though I did observe that my good lady wife was my Yorkshire Dream. We'd been unable to lay losing favourites all day but, of course, we managed to lay winning favourite Lairy Mary to leave us with a teeny loss after a further good each way result for us. Gagometer NR

7) "That one's magic" on Riddikulus and we knew it would land with the good folk of 3 different Edinburgh universities. Another modest win, this time on Simple Star who our friend Mark tipped up to about 5 of our punters, to end the day. Gagometer 8/10

A modest winning day for us as we enter our Autumn Scottish hibernation, and we won't be emerging, blinking in the sunlight until Fighting Fifth at the end of November, though Simon will be continuing to sail the good ship CairnBet until then around various north of England tracks.

Until then...