Perth Gold Cup 8/6/25 (Don't) Fall On Me

I forgot the card machine. Again. 3rd time (un)lucky. For those that are up to date with our previous card machine travails, no I haven't find a new place to charge it, yes it charges in the most obscure part of the house, yes I'll inevitably forgot it again and yes, I've already packed it for Ascot.

Simon joined us to work in the centre course and he'd remembered his. After an hour I dispatched myself to borrow his card machine for our Tatts pitch for the rest of the day. He was yet to do a bet and we were knee deep in punters waving cards and iPhones. Simon periodically messaged us to say he was knocking back card bets but our need was greater than his. His final message was "don't forget to bring it back at the end" Touche. I told him to concentrate on finding a punter. Any punter...

We had plenty of punters. 20 odd from the local fire station (is it still called a fire station?) led by good friends of myself and my infinitely better half to start with. We even chucked in a few free bets cos we're nice like that. And our favourite son has a habit of forgetting to turn off the gas when cooking his copious amount of eggs, and you never know when you'll need a favour and a gushing hose. Lyndsey even had the temerity to keep winning - that wasn't part of the agreement by any stretch of the imagination. We recently moved house and a couple of fire folk came up to tell us they were our neighbours- I'm a bloke, we're rubbish at stuff like that- we're just not programmed to recognise stuff out of its normal environments- just ask Kevin and the Co-op sausages debacle. So apologies to our neighbours (who I probably wave to on a daily basis) I will try harder, I promise.

For you obscure lyric fans, I nearly called this blog Oddfellows Local 151 but, without the requisite knowledge of 1980s REM album tracks, it looks very much like an enormous criticism which isn't the intention at all. But, if you know, you know (and I'm guessing our Twitter mate John(n)) knows even if nobody else does. Firehouse.

1) A surprisingly busy opener given the how short the jolly was. It was a rotten each way race from our perspective so many of our colleagues were "win only". We stuck it out each way and confidently expected our friend, and viral Twitter sensation, SD to pop in and bet 7 of them each way at any time. He didn't but the place book was rancid. A decent start for us however with a solid win on said short priced jolly, Emily Love, pegged back, as expected, by a loss in the place book. We popped it in the memory banks for future use when we "should've laid it on the machine".

2) Anyone at Hexham yesterday will have seen the old 11s into 13/8 gag up and we were cautious about Garrick Painter, and our cautiousness was confirmed as there was plenty of activity going down the line lumping on. 11/2 into 15/8 this time and won with barely a flicker. Hard to know what to do from our point of view as if it's not bet it goes off 20s but discretion being the better part of valour was the line we took today and we escaped with a modest win topped up by a place result dream. 4 losers out of the next 5 in the betting for those who like to know these kind of things.

3) Dodged the first couple of winning favourites to land a couple of, admittedly unspectacular, wins but we couldn't get the three-peat as the world and his wife was on The Last Cloud won and we lost. Places numbed some of the pain but it was a step backwards and jolly number 3 hosed up.

4) And finally a result. Or so it seemed. Stuck into the favourite, Schmilsson, which was nudged along early and, despite rallying, Salamanca Bay only had to jump the last to give us a jackpot. It didn't jump the last. Scrub that "finally a result" nonsense as Schmillsson won in unexpected fashion and we lost on jolly number 4 of 4. We were back to square one financially and massively overdrawn emotionally. Steve opined that "you only need one result at Perth" but that result had been snatched away in the most depressing fashion. Still, you know, it gave us chance to shoehorn one of the great songs of all time into our title. If you don't know it, Google it and thank me later.

5) Statuario and Riaan the bogeys in the win market and we had chances all over the show. The main one being absolute jackpot Tullybeg who cruised into it, hit about 1.3 in running then hit the 2nd last and one unseat later our jackpot was gone but we still had a cracking result on Stans The Man who was the next up on the CairnBet heartbreak conveyor belt and our 2nd big result losing from odds on in running and Statuario completed as unlikely a win since, well, race 4. (Don't) fall on me. Again. Places were good to us again and we won small overall but it was hard to shake off the deja vu. Steve reminded me that we just needed one result - I pointed out that we'd just had two in the same race and they both still lost.

6) Stood the top 3. Had 2 of them beaten super early but couldn't get the 3rd one out as Imperial Alex held on from yet another jackpot who finished like a train but, with it being the UK, the train was late. We didn't have expenses on the busiest day of the Perth season.

7) The Flying Poet the only loser (for the max) and we were, again, cautious about Evie's Court - 12/1 when we set up, 7/2 when the race came round. Drifted and we couldn't lay it. Not sure what the Betfair SP was but we were cautious at 6/1, 13/2 was likely available in fairness. SP was 7/2. Off course generated SP is becoming more and more a pool betting price. It didn't win but 7/2 when it was at least 8.0 on Betfair is incredible. Anyway we had a couple of lovely winners duking it out only to be done on the line by a more modest winner in Man Of Action. Places continued to love us and we had expenses again but nowt else. Steve pointed out that you only need one result at Perth...

8) Happy Index was joy free for us in the book as we stood it for the max along with Our Girl Sal and the two losers were the two at the head of the field most of the way. Maillot Blanc was the get out stakes for us. Barely laid and took over at the 2nd to last from the aforementioned Happy/Misery Index. We'd been reading this book all day and we knew what happened on the final page but somehow, miracle of miracles, our absolute jackpot++++ hung on and we had a monster in the last. A bona fide monster, especially when the places went in to add cream to the deliciousness of the jackpot cake. Steve just glanced up "see, you only need one result at Perth" and he was, I'm delighted to say, right.

A ridiculously good end to a day where we hung on through the fav fest and came out, if not smelling of roses, at least getting the Maltesers from the Perth Celebrations box after sifting through the Bounties...

A week off for us now. Hexham next in the diary followed by the Royal Ascot 5 day extravaganza.

Until then...