We park up at 9:15 to ensure we get a space in the same time zone as the course. We check BBC Weather (27 degrees) and Met Office (25 degrees), both 5% chance of a light shower so the CairnBet fleeces and rain jackets were left in the car with 100% confidence.
Around 11:00am when I get a text to say some bloke in Oldham has cut through a power line not once but twice and my halfway hotel on the M6 by Preston had been cancelled. Stupid Oldham man. They do offer me an alternative in Wakefield. I point out I'm travelling from Ascot to Scotland and the helpful lady kindly informs me that Wakefield is, indeed, between Ascot and Scotland so it should be fine. She doesn't accept my protestation that it's about 2 1/2 hours out of my way all in and insists I am definitely not inconvenienced by being 1 1/4 hours east of where I actually want to sleep on my south to north odyssey. I thank her for her time, cancel my reservation and send Ramada a link to Google Maps. Pitch in is now 10 minutes away and I resolve to worry about it later. Much later.
Pretty much everyone picks well and we're left with preferred choice 36 with pick number 37 and so we rock up at the end of the line at the hitherto excellent tarmac area which is now picketed by VIPs, literally and figuratively, and we accept that our business is going to be down by about 30% on previous years. Better than skid row though. Still no big screen for the VIPs and area still past the turn- it's a bit like when we used to bet by the first fence at Aintree on the Saturday- we (and the VIPs) get to see horses twice in a 4 hour period. We're less concerned though. Lots of moaning from the picnic tables behind- most of them end up asking us to check their tickets to see whether they've won. Or whether the race has even taken place. Rethink of VIP location for next year surely so they can actually see some racing?
Early business is surprisingly brisk with a lovely couple of ladies betting through the card and we desperately hope they get some winners somewhere. Around 1:00 business dies completely and the infinitely superior Johnson team next door have to listen to a series of weaker and weaker gags in a vain attempt to drum up business pre Royal Procession. My exhortations, after the first carriage went by, that the interesting Royals had gone and could we start betting also fell on deaf ears and we had to wait until 2:15 until queues started to form again.
1) 6 losers and 7 winners. 4 horrible places. The 3 losers in the win book and 3 of the 4 bad places fill the first 3 and it's hard to have got off to a worse start. Unless, of course, you didn't have anywhere to sleep either. Oh, wait. We had a great guy who won on Holloway Boy (absolutely smashed up from a million/1 in the opening show) who told me that his mate also had it because of Ian Holloway the colouful footy manager. I suggest it's possibly more likely that it's because his mate may be more familiar with the HMP version of the name and our winning punter sagely agrees. We also had a less great guy who won nicely but decided to wave his 15 twenties in my face and tell me how much money he was going to win off me today because all bookies are arseholes. I text the wife to let her know she's married to an arsehole. She tells me it's news to her. I thank my lucky stars that I'm still batting massively above my average. We also nick 3 quid back from a bloke who wanted a speculative forecast. We move on.
2) To have 3 losers go to the line once may be considered unfortunate, to do it twice must surely be careless. The winner, Noble Truth, being the less smelly option of the potential winners. Places rotten again and we were in a hole. Our eejit from race 1 placed on Find at 40/1 and I got to smell his winnings from an inch again. Maybe he does the same in Wetherspoons when he gets the 2 for 1 deal as well. His girlfriend was nice- I told her she could do better. I said it with a smile on my face but really I meant it- it was hard to know how she could do worse,
3) 4 losers in the win and place market (bottom 4 in the betting) and our good winner (Broome) beat our ok winner (Mostahdaf) and none of our nasty each ways made the frame so we were back in the game. Our eejit didn't collect on Solid Stone despite assuring me he would and was conspicuous by his (quiet) absence.
4) First proper bingo book with losers between 12/1 and 100/1 including the shortest, Creative Force, which nearly broke our hearts but our jackpot, Naval Crown, won narrowly and we rolled on with a great result. Eejit free zone again and we never saw him again. The uncharitable part of me hopes his significantly better half found someone significantly better and he was looking at his smaller pile of twenties lamenting that he didn't fancy her much anyway.
5) We had cracking group of lads betting with us all day and they all loaded up on Fresh which made it an easy max decision. Mr Wagyu was another big loser from Karate Kid fans who can't spell along with similar issues for Batman fans (Batwan in real life) and Dubai Station who was a small loser. Rohaan was a great win for both us and Ryan Moore. I'd imagine his 9th Royal Ascot leading jockey crown will make more headlines than our tidy win but I'm not begrudging him.
6) We'd laid a few at the top of the market today and were very grateful that Missed The Cut wasn't one of them and it won without fuss. Small win but could easily have been big loss.
Scotland is not known for its tropical climate and I've become hardened to cooler weather but the sight of rain coming in at 90 degrees at a temperature 15 degrees cooler than the most pessimistic forecast banished memories of yesterday's day in the oven and we (I say "we", I mean "I") resorted to scrounging bin liners and punching arm and head holes in to stay dry and provide some shelter from the gale. Steve has aversion to actual ponchos so home made ones brought on significant retching. He was colder and wetter than me though, Kev, bizarrely, opted to save his umbrella cover and some wooden related item whilst the laptop was still open to the elements. I must remind him that the job of an umbrella is to actually get wet.
7) Wordsworth an unexpected loser for us but we take what we get, along with 3 at the back end of the market. Reshoun looked the winner on the track and a loser in the book but Stratum finished like a train and gave us a lovely end to a day which started in dreadful fashion in every respect.
Sat in the New Mile Staff Car Park (still not accessible from New Road) I had the choice of scrolling relentlessly on various booking sites for half an hour or phoning my lovely, lovely uncle and auntie in North Wales for a stopover on the way home due to an errant Lancastrian pickaxe. I wasn't going to be there until midnight but they insisted. So, in the end, my journey home was going to encompass 3 countries, a midnight cup of tea and some early Welsh bacon on Sunday morning.
Next up is Carlisle on Wednesday and another weekend away covering Cartmel (twice) and either Newcastle or Chester. Probably Newcastle, even though we never win on Plate Day. Never. Until then...
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