3 entrances to the Windsor enclosure. One of them was fenced off so we were down to two. Some bookies still ended up going to 3 before they got in. It's Tuesday, it's Ascot, it's expected.
In about 5 hours before the first and listening to the band warm up. The saxophonist was phenomenal, the female lead was fantastic but, without wanting to sound uncharitable, when the male decided to "freestyle" Teenage Dirtbag, we went for a reccy.
Ascot on Tuesday and Wednesday is deathly dull. You don't take much and the betting section will reflect the turgid nature of punting. I wouldn't blame you for finding something else to do. The best I can offer you is the CairnBet horse name pun per race- some better than others. we even got a smile on occasion. We had to think of something to pass the time. References to "decent wins" need to be taken in the context of the ridiculously low take on the day.
Dave at Squires kicked us off by suggesting we wouldn't go on the back line with the topiary as we don't like hedging. In his defence it was early but I aspired to better things later on.
1) Steve got stuck into Frankie in the first and it looked like we were going to pay the price when Inspiral ("we'll be carpeted if that one wins"- I don't think my audience did Madchester sadly) went very short in running only to be snagged by Triple Time. Other bogeys were Angel Bleu and Pogo (oblique Strictly Ballroom references). The obvious gags made on Cash. One race, three puns. Oh and a smallish win on a rag.
2) Frankie the big bogey again along with Bobsleigh, Spanish Phoenix and Tickty Boo ("or not so pucker" being the best I could come up with). Again Frankie ("do you remember me") went short and this time he didn't even place. Solid win on the favourite River Tiber and the places were delicious. Another move in the right direction.
3) Frankie was on a non runner which didn't stop every other bet being attempted on it. Couldn't get the jolly in which looked the winner until hampered by eventual winner (and loser for us) Bradsell. There was a stewards but, of course, places remained unaltered. We were pun free on this one.
4) Ciceros Gift and Royal Scotsman the losers and, again, we wanted the favourite even with Frankie on it. Paddington ("bear with me love") won by a mile. We won coppers and hadn't made a dent in the expenses for an hour.
5) Sort of done on a name in that we didn't win on it. Ahorsewithnoname (best we could do was sing it) and, like the Scottish footy team, we were treading water. And rather depressed.
6) Certain Lad ("that's a certainty mate") Saga (obvious gag) and Bolshoi Ballet ("you've every chance there love, that one's a dancer") were the losers as we hit our stride in that a) we got all 3 beaten for a nice win b) we eked out 3 gags in the same race and c) we somehow managed to avoid laying the winner Royal Champion at Royal Ascot. We risked a fist bump before the last.
7) Every single backer of Sam Cooke was treated to my rendition of "What a Wonderful World". Every single one. Whilst Absurde backers were told they'd made a bonkers bet. We ended with another good one as we cried Vauban in from the moment it became obvious we weren't going to lay it (about 1pm) I whinged about the drift and how it couldn't possibly win and of course it won going away. We got a decent place result as well, in a shocking each way race for us.
My son's girlfriend is from a Romanian family. Bless him, he downloaded Duolingo so he could learn a few words. Our nicest bettor today was a lovely lady from Romania. She called me "love" after I had done the same. She even managed it in a scouse accent. So I took a leaf from my son and looked up good luck in Romanian for the last race. It's "noroc" if you're wondering. She was delighted, as was her table. Sadly she didn't back the winner. Maybe it was my accent.
Finally, Simon joined us again and did the book on the 2nd pitch with me and was fantastic. Thanks for coming down Simon, you're always welcome and I sincerely hope we see you on a track plying your trade soon.
Another quiet day at Ascot again tomorrow. Until then...
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