Royal Ascot 21/6/25 - Satuday Night Takeaway. But on a Tuesday

Not often we reference a film in the title but it's Tuesday as I write and, given what actually happened was 3 days ago, I appreciate that this blog is the virtual equivalent of yesterday's newspaper and only good for wrapping, virtual, fish and chips. Also, it references The Lego Movie which, if you haven't seen, it then stop what you're doing, go away and watch it, and thank me in the comments. And what an opening paragraph huh? A piece de resistance (you're welcome).

And whilst we're on movies, it was hot, damn hot and (for a blessed 5 minutes) hot and wet. If you haven't seen that one then I'd probably stick it on for 20 minutes and then pop back here.

Kev and Simon up the top, me and Steve on the hill, which was starting to feel ever so slightly dungeon-esque as we could see neither track nor big screen but had an excellent view of the mosh pit/drum and bass bar which would likely provide the bulk of our punters for the day.

Buyer's regret on the hill. Massive buyer's regret. I'd say layer's regret but that would suggest we were laying but we weren't. As the boys on the lawns piled on the bets the only thing we were piling on was the self inflicted misery. Thousands of people passing by with barely a sideways glance. Here's what you could've won. "We'll be back for a bet later lads", a lie only rivalled by when the washing machine or dishwasher promises you there's only a minute left when you need to go out. I enquired of next door if he also had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that we'd picked wrong and it was a long, long year before we could pick right again.

The drum and bass trumped the racing tannoy and, for the 3rd day running, we were living on scraps of information and constant refreshes on Sporting Life fast results page. There was a moment, at some point in the day, I don't remember which, when the gap in the music perfectly coincided with the faint strains of the results coming over the hill, a whisper but an audible one "WHAT WAS THE RESULT IN THE LAST ONE MATE, DID MINE WIN?" at 1000 decibels and the moment was past. Wasn't his fault but he knew from the sigh, the shoulder slump and the hand in the air that he was waiting at least another minute or two before we could tell him. No better on the lawns as Mr Brightside beat out instead of the 1-2-3. Good tune though.

It's a sign of my addled brain that I recounted the gift that was the Life of Brian gag in my Friday racing blog, which, in fairness, was a good one, when I realised that it was Saturday when Brian actually ran. Still a great gag though and is testament to the jet lag each and every person working outside in 30 degree heat all day for a week felt.

We channeled Gerry all week (might be Jerry - apologies if it is). At Ascot you get more repeat customers than anywhere else - if they like you, they stay with you. We spend race after race asking for the number even when we knew the number not the name. Steve periodically piped up with "Gerry here, numbers not the names" in his best Eastenders accent and by race 5 we reaped the benefit as we shifted our queue in record time as our punters all dutifully trotted out the numbers. Next door looked on in quiet envy.

If there's one thing I'd ban in racing it's allowing numbers in names. Hate it. "A fiver on Seven" (out comes a ticket for a fiver on horse 7) "Sisters please mate - horse number five". "Void that one please Steve, ta". We thought we'd got away with it in race five as Ten Pounds was horse number ten so nothing could possibly go wrong here. "Ten Pounds, that's horse ten please mate", "Tenner on ten please Steve"... "and I'll have a fiver on it"..."Void that one please Steve"

And finally, punter of the week at Simon's pitch. "Can you do me 500 quid at evens on Sober please when we were 4/5". "Sorry mate, can't do it". Five minutes later "can you do me 500 quid at evens now" - Simon "sorry mate still 4/5". In our business when Steve's on track he does the book. So Simon looks at the bloke who's in a group on a table a few yards away and phones Steve. "Do you want 500 quid at evens?" And Steve says "yeah, why not". Small drift to around 5/6 at this point in the betting so Simon shouts the lad over and says "just had a word with the boss and he'll lay you the evens" so the bloke says "nah, don't like the drift I'll have 200 quid each way on the second favourite instead". Jolly hoses up but he did get his place at 7/2 so all not lost.

Turned out hill pitch was just fine after the first race business wise and, whilst not as good as Kev and Simon's pitch, we felt that we had probably got the picks just about right overall.

Like Friday we took plenty of money across big fields which was in our favour and results were generally bookmaker friendly, so again, we had another cracking day. Noble Champion and Quai De Bethune were the highlight for us, Rebel's Romance was the "Trust the system" winner whilst Get It and Lazzat were the disappointments.

Caught up most of my sleep deprived week (mainly due to SE England existing as a sauna) in last couple of days and feeling vaguely human again. Newcastle Friday/Saturday for us next where we should be back to traditional race by race analysis unless tropical conditions addle my brain again.

Until then...